Life in Digital Format

Current Mood: amused

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my
program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the
new program began Unexpected child processing and also took
up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn’t
mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0
installs itself into all other programs and launches itself
during Systems initialization, where it monitors all other
system activities. Applications such as “Boys’
Night Out 2.5 ” and “Clubbing 5.3″ no longer
run, and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to
operate selected “Sunday Football 6.3″ always
fails and “Sunday Shopping 7.1″ runs instead. I
cannot seem to keep “Wife 1.0″ in the background
whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications.
I am thinking of going back to “Girlfriend 7.0″,
but un-installing doesn’t work on this program.

Can you please help?

AND THIS IS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic
misunderstanding. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0
to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES AND
ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM DESIGNED BY IT’S CREATOR TO RUN EVERY PROGRAM
WITHIN IT’S DOMAIN. You are unlikely to be able to
purge Wife 1.0 and still Convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as
Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to
uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system
once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife
2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual
under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors’ Fees).
Having “Wife 1.0″ installed myself, I recommend
you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best
as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you
think has caused them, You must run the
C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE\ME program and avoid
attempting to use the *Esc-Key. It may be necessary to run
C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE\ME a number of times, and
eventually hope that the operating system will return to
normal. Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance
program, can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it,
consider buying additional software such as “Flowers
2.0″ and “Chocolates 5.0″ or
“HUGS\KISSES 600.0″ or “SEX 500.0″ or
“TENDERNESS\UNDERSTANDING 1000.0″, or even
“C:\EATINGOUT\WITHOUT.THE.KIDS 7.2″ (if
child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install “Secretary 2.1
Short Skirt Version” (any version), as this is not a
supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will
almost certainly crash.

BEST OF LUCK!
Your Systems Analyst
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Current Mood: nerdy

So I am finally beta testing the On Demand service at my house, and it is truly awesome! There is definatley some good free content on there, and if you already subscribe to HBO or ShowTime (et. al.), then you get access to their On Demand channels included for free. This includes both current movies and also series episodes too, like Weeds and Dexter. And this early on in the game, there are very minimal bugs in the software as well! I do wish it was a bit more…oh, whats the word–MANUVERABLE! Its like menu after menu after menu after submenu blah blah. I feel it could have been a bit simpler. The good thing though there will be TONS of content and it will be changing weekly!

So basically if you have a digital settop box of any model, you will be able to recieve access to On Demand without any special equipment or fees. Yes, you gotta pay for new releases and porn! But you will have access to the movie for 24 hours and be able to ffw/rew/pause/stop. Its pretty much like renting a dvd without having to pick it up/return it. There is a decent search function and menu to find the movies that are up your alley.

Since we have been upgrading our network valley-wide (and will continue to do so), VOD service should be available in a few areas within the next few months. I lucked out and reside in the first network to be fully upgraded and operational! So NE. Scottsdale, congratulations! VOD should be released w/i the next week for you. They are hoping to have it nearly valley-wide by mid-summer.

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